Trying To Make Sense Of It All 322/365

I started my Monday off with a workout at OTF. It was an endurance day and well those are my least favorite add in I had a killer headache and I just wasn’t feeling it. I worked hard but I dropped my speed on the second block and let’s not even discuss the rowing. I finished them but nowhere near what I know I am capable of.

I’m taking tomorrow off from the gym and I’m hoping I’m feeling better and more motivated come Wednesday.

Tonight for dinner it was some leftovers and a lemon pepper chicken breast I picked up super cheap yesterday while grocery shopping. It was so good. I’ll be sure to be on the lookout for them again when they are on sale.

Now onto the heavy stuff. As I’m learning more and more about Cushing’s Disease I’m realizing how serious this is. It’s fatal if left untreated. I’m glad it’s been found and looking back and now knowing what the signs and symptoms are I realize I’ve been “sick” a lot longer than I thought. I mean for the last 2+ years I’ve known something was seriously wrong and getting my primary care doctor to listen to me was a battle. And, this part makes me angry. I told him over and over for 2 years that there was something seriously wrong with me and it was ignored. It was you need to see a nutritionist, you have sleep apnea, and you just aren’t trying hard enough. Basically he formed an opinion of me and stuck with it. Every day he didn’t listen to my concerns was another day I was getting sicker, one more thing in my body was slowly being altered and or destroyed.

I’ve gained 150 pounds in 18 months, my skin is worse than that of a teen hitting puberty, I basically have a beard from all the facial hair growth. My vision in my right eye went from 20/30 to 20/150 in a year it hadn’t changed in 5 years, not to mention I’ve lost vision in my field of vision not a lot but would get worse if this hadn’t been found. I have nerve damage. I have numbness in my ring and pinky fingers and my palms. We won’t know if this will correct itself after the tumor is removed. I have high blood pressure, I have scars all over my shin from skin lesions/rash I have, bruises everywhere, the hair on my head is thinning, and let’s not even talk about the fatigue. All I want to do is sleep. I’ve been sleeping on average 18-20 hours a day for weeks. How can you live a life when you’re only awake for 6 hours a day.

I’m of course in a holding pattern right now as I’m waiting for my MRI which is scheduled for next Monday. I’m hoping by the end of next week we will have a clear picture of what we are looking at with this tumor and to get the surgery scheduled and start to get my life back.

I will say this if you know something is wrong with you don’t stop until they listen to you because only you know your body. If I had given up fighting my doctor who knows where I’d be this time next year. You have to be your biggest fighter.

Here’s to Monday and a great Thanksgiving week.

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